Finding meaning

It’s tricky. 

I work a totally unimportant job. Which I’ve also started to think might cause more problems in society than it solves. 

You see I am a barman. I’m not particularly any good at it. However what I lack in bartender skills I make up for in listening and banter. Which I happen to at least sometimes have the capability of. Now the reason I think it’s unimportant. Well, as we can mostly agree I am making little to no impact upon the world. Not making it better and by making people drunk perhaps even making the world a little worse. Yes I know is that if it wasn’t for me they’d be drinking else where. However that still does not change the fact that it’s true. 

The reason I am thinking about this is that legacy has popped into my head of late. I’m getting, as we all are older. Day by day it happens. Slowly at first but as the days, weeks and months turn into years it appears in front of you that, thing you thought you’d have in life may just have slipped you by. That for me is the idea of having kids. I’ve had my fair share of loves in life. One that perhaps was it, but didn’t work out. With that thought in mind and a great many years of being single and not meeting anyone whom might even prove interesting enough for that to develop. So ilthat being said it has left me thinking. How do I leave something behind to make my time here worthwhile. 

I believe that meaning in life is important. Jordan Peterson is a big proponent of this idea. And perhaps what he has been saying has caught my mind. I’m sure not smart enough to have noticed it on my own. But with the voice of a great mind booming around inside my head I’ve developed. Or at least I think I have, a few ideas about the fact I’m not content with my lot. With the fact I am doing nothing of any import whatsoever. That as it stands my time here on earth is being squandered, wasted and misused. All very well and good to say that. However it still leaves me, or perhaps it is supposed to leave me with the,

What the fuck do I do about it!

I do believe that this ride might make a difference. I can only hope with all of my heart and soul that it will be the case. That though me doing just a little bit of something that I can make a little bit of difference. 

You see I am not a great man. I am a naïve youth. Struggling to make sense of his place in a world that provides no answers, only more questions. I am a picker upper of ideas that I say are mine but am not smart enough to have conjorded up on my own. I am weak, misguided and foolish. But, and there is a big but. I want to be better, I have lofty ideals and goals. I can only hope I am strong enough to bring it to fruition. 

With that perhaps the blocks of what I call meaning will start to click together to form a coherent narrative that I can use in life. That the meaning I build will enable me to structure my existence and with that maybe it’ll start making sense. Perhaps not in all fairness, but a man can hope!

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